matty's circle of infinite sadness

If you're not watching Planet Earth on the Discovery Channel, you should punch yourself in the ear. I recommend the lions hunting the elephant clip, though the videos available don't really do the show justice.

and i recently got my own office at the chicago school of psychology. it's very roomy, has soft lighting, and will soon include a full-sized refrigerator in which i will hide booze and body parts.

today also included the last of my rejection letters from grad school, so it seems i will be staying in chicago indefinitely.

i finally found out that i got a job at the chicago school of psychology. full-time, benefits AND a dress code.

so if you need any meetings coordinated, i'll be on the fourth floor next to patty's office. leave a message with my secretary if the door is closed.

so chris decided to move back to gr last week. one of the upsides to this turned out to be finding a new roommate. i posted an add on craigslist and the characters just started to pour into my inbox. among the serious contenders were:

a) middle-aged irish woman who divulged way too much personal information about herself. Among her expressed interests: people who work hard, honesty, and cleanliness.




b) twenty-one year-old douchebag from washington d.c. who concluded his email of interest by saying "word, dude." he is "into meeting new people" and describes himself as "politically minded."




c) workaholic french chef with a self-esteem problem. only expressed interests are family guy and work.




d) pothead who works at the state treasury. he likes chicago sports teams and directed me to his "CRACKspace" page for further personal info.




one of these people will be moving in with us tomorrow. gold star if you can guess which one.

"There are 10 times more bacterial cells than human cells in the human body. That means we are basically a means for bacteria to become mobile, to complete their life cycles and to procreate. We think they are living off us, but it is we who are living for them."
Dr. David Byrne, Phd in Life

this morning i was at the bus stop, already having a pretty shitty start to the day. i had volunteered to go into work early to help break down the set of a play that was closing upstairs, so it was somewheres around 6:00 and still dark. also, it was five below zero, not counting what must have been a crazy windchill factor (i don't care what slate says. when i got to the bus stop, i started to enjoy my ritual thirty minutes of happiness to start the day: npr shuffle, mug of coffee and first cigarette. so i figured the worst was over and started to enjoy the falling snow for a moment. that was my first mistake. my next mistake was standing behind the dirt- and ice-caked bus shelter, so i couldn't see the oncoming traffic. the worst mistake i made was not paying attention the signs that showed a picture of a guy getting hit with a tidal wave of snow from his friendly neighborhood snowplow, and which were captioned with the phrase "don't get snow-plowed." needless to say, i got snow-plowed. my cigarette was soggy-ed, my coffee was salted, npr shuffle turned into a high-pitched shriek, and my mouth was full of dirty, salty, gray chicago road slush. across the street a woman was laughing at me. for some reason i replied to her with "what was i supposed to do?" which i think means "i got fucking snowplowed and i have no one to blame but myself."

take it from me. you have to be ready for anything. anytime. it's a goddamn jungle out there, kids. watch your back.

i saw a really good episode of star trek today where Geordi gets abducted by this race of imbiciles who can't figure out how to make their warp drive work.



like most aliens in star trek, these oafs can only speak in fragments, and they kept saying things like "make ship work" and "we want go." by the end of the episode when they've stolen Geordi's phaser and started shooting him repeatedly and laughing, i started to get the impression that they were a deliberate parody of the developmentally challenged. at that point i felt guilty about wanting to punch them in their fat stupid faces.

new is my job. which isn't too bad. on wednesday i got paid to watch a pretty bad musical adaptation of "the three musketeers." i start fullish time on tuesday helping with high schools visiting the theatre to see "taming of the shrew."

new is my cheap vodka, which i have been mixing with even cheaper store brand ginger ale.

new is my sleeping habits, which apparently now includes graphic sex dreams about my third grade teacher.

i finally landed a decent job, albeit a temporary one, with chicago shakespeare. it means that instead of making phone calls asking people for money thirty hours a week, i'll be corralling groups of middle school kids and watching plays for thirty-six hours a week, and making significantly more doing it. thank jeebus chrize. i have arrived.

Do yourself a favor and watch this show on the food network. As I gather it, it's just this large jolly man going on an eating binge and talking about why all the food is great. So while he's going on this rant, his mouth is full or covered in food. It's as close as the food network has ever gotten to outright pornography.